(Source: ayebobbay, via phnthp)
everything is getting so much harder. im trying not to focus on you too much but youre all that i think about. im trying to put my school work, trying to get a job, and my future ahead of you but youre what im focusing on. im really trying, but its not working at all. i see you doing it so easily, this is why i tell you i do love you more than you love me. if you could read my mind youre all that i want. i dont care if i dont finish school, i dont care if i dont get a job, and my future? i wont care if youre not in it. i dont know anymore, i feel like im stuck. i would have never thought i would love and care for you as much as i do. its not hard to hold it down boys wise, but its hard to hold it down emotionally. i feel like quitting. i wanna be with you every step of the way closer to your goals, but in reality, im not there. i wanna be the one to congratulate you when youre doing something good, or “punish” you when youre doing something bad, but i cant.. people over there know what youre doing all the time wether it be school or at home, i dont. i honestly feel you would do perfectly fine if we werent together, its not like much would change. you just wouldnt see me every weekend like you used to.. but me on the otherhand, i think about you constantly, i wonder if youre coming after school all the time, i cant wait for those weekends, i go to your house even when youre not home, im in love with you and my life routine would not be same without you. ive wanted you home since day 1. do you know how much it hurts when someone asks me when you get out and i have to say “he could have been out but he wants to stay there” ? do you know the look they give me when i do say it? if i were to ever talk about you not being in prov, they give me that “are you sure hes not doing anything over there” look. they look at me like im an idiot for staying with you not knowing what you are doing.. i FEEL like an idiot staying with you and giving you my all when i HONESTLY dont know if thats what im getting in return. theyre assumptions and words are slowly getting to me.. you staying there is slowly breaking my heart a little more each day, especially getting all this bad news every single day. i think about you every night before i go to bed, i think about all this every night before i go to bed, how do you think im feeling? im crashing anthony and you cant even notice it.
(Source: dear-thuuuy, via phnthp)
I need REAL friends,
the ones that will actually notice when something is bothering me. The ones that would always be there for me when I have no one else to run to. The ones that would not stop trying to make me smile when I need it the most. The ones that won’t talk about me behind my back. I need real friends, the ones I can depend on, trust, be honest with, and be totally comfortable around them.
(via phnthp)
